Interstitial Cystitis Advice

By Jessica Cangiano (an IC bride!)

There are few days in your life that will ever compare to your wedding. It’s a time to celebrate love and family, life and commitment – a day that should everything you want it to be and more. Having Interstitial Cystitis does not mean that you have to sacrifice your wedding dreams, not at all! Though you may need to take more things into consideration and make slightly alternative plans compared to those of your wedding peers, having IC does not mean that you can’t have the wedding that you’ve always hoped for. Here we’ve laid out a number of tips and ideas that focus on areas on of your wedding where your IC might come into play. You may find that not all of these steps apply to you or your situation, no problem, just utilize the ones that are best able to help you and your fiancée to plan and execute the wedding that is right for you.

There is no set way to get married, and nowadays it seems like more and more people are veering off the beaten path and getting married in new and adventurous ways (scuba diving, in a hot air balloon, theme weddings, etc). Some people choice to elope, or plan to be married by a justice of the peace with only a couple of witnesses, in both cases it’s up to you and there is nothing in the world wrong with going for those route. In fact they will likely help you to bypass the vast majority of steps involved with a larger wedding. If you are planning a wedding with numerous guests and reception to follow there will inevitably be a lot to think about and prepare for. Generally the bride takes on the job of planning for the wedding, but these tips here are aimed at both the bride and groom (or both partners), and apply equally regardless of which one has IC.

If you are going to be hiring a wedding planner a lot of these ideas still exist because regardless of who is doing the booking and arranging your IC related needs will still exist. Choose a wedding planner who you feel gives your health the time and concern that it deserves and who will take your needs seriously. Check out the planner’s credentials and ask for a list of their references. If she or he is hesitant to provide you with a list that’s a red flag signal to keep looking for someone else. You and your planner will have a lot of interaction over the coming months so it’s very important you feel comfortable and confident with your choice.

Typically a couple will allot between six months and a year and a half between the time when they become engaged and when they set the wedding date. Our tips can be applied to almost any realistic time frame, keeping in mind that certain services like caterers and florists may need at least three months notice in advance, and are meant to be adapted to your own unique situation. The timeline that is set out here is merely a guide to help you plan and ensure that you’ve remembered the big planning steps. If you have IC it’s likely that you will have certain special needs on your wedding day. Don’t see this as a negative, but instead simply embrace the spirit of your wedding and plan your day in the way that is most comfortable and convenient for you and your partner.

9 – 12 months in advance

-Begin looking for a location for both your ceremony and reception that are ideal for you and your fiancée. Take into account things like air conditioning/heating, seating capacity, onsite kitchen facilities (if applicable), dance floor, and very importantly that there is apple parking room and washrooms on site (if your wedding is to be held entirely outside you may need to rent portable toilets for the day, if the site does not have enough/any – this is not a reflection of your IC, but something that all couples who opt for outdoor weddings need to think about). When looking for locales take in consideration how much driving (to and from) will be involved. If your IC is prone to aggravation from being in a car you will ideally want to plan for a spot that is relatively near your home, or alternatively arrive at your wedding destination (or the town where it is in) a day in advance and stay over night to avoid having to travel a lot on your actual wedding day

-Plan your wedding and honeymoon budget. Take all of the services that you will be hiring, clothing, food and drinks, travel, car service and music into consideration (as well plan the colours and/or theme of your special day)

-Announce your engagement in the newspaper, through an online service that emails out the good news or with engagement announcement cards sent out in the mail

-Begin thinking about what kind of wedding you would both like. If you’re having part or all of your wedding outside take the time of year into consideration. You want to be as comfortable as possible on the day of your wedding so it might be best if you go with a wedding in late May or September as opposed to the potentially sweltering heat of mid-August. If you choice to have an outdoor wedding you must always have a back-up plan in case of rain or hire waterproof tents (canopies) to hold the wedding under in case the weather turns sour

-Decide on who will be in your wedding party (groom’s men, maids of honour, ushers, flower girl, ring bearer, etc). You may find it helpful if all of your wedding party – or at least the ones that will be interacting the most with you, such as your bridesmaids and maid of honour – are aware (ideally before hand) of your IC, so that they can help you plan your IC friendly wedding too

-Book your wedding ceremony and reception location or locations, pay any deposits that are required in advance and remember to ask if there is an allowed seating limit

-If having an engagement party plan one that adheres to a lot of the same tips for your wedding, such as a menu with IC friendly foods and an easily accessible location

-Start looking for your DJ or band, photographer and/or videographer, florist and catering service or chef (begin thinking about what kind of food you wish to serve and what kind of cake you’d like, making sure that both areas are entirely IC friendly or allow for several IC friendly dishes so that you will have lots of choices to eat on your big day). Remember to get contracts from all of the professions that you hire/use

-If having a small wedding consider if it would be possible to have a family member or friend who would be willing to take on the job cook your IC friendly wedding dinner instead of a caterer. This is not usually feasible for larger crowds, but can work if the guest list is under twenty or thirty people

-Look through wedding magazines, books, bridal shows in your area and websites for ideas, inspiration and possible dress styles that appeal to you

-Start a wedding planning journal and/or file system so that you can track all of the steps you’ve accomplished and so that you’ve got all of your important documents in one easy to access place

-Go together with your fiancée and register for any bridal registries that you’d like your guests to choice from. Many stores and companies now allow you to do this service online. Make sure you get a copy of your list of items, and that you keep track of whom you inform about your registries

-Start planning your wedding trousseau (hope chest), if applicable. Though this is an old fashioned custom that was once commonplace, some brides-to-be still enjoy planning and gathering items that will become a part of the new home they’ll be building with their future spouse. Traditionally a trousseau consisted of all sorts of things that a woman would need to start her new life as a wife such as household goods, toiletries, linens, make-up, clothing and shoes, accessories and luggage. Today it can incorporate anything that you feel may need once you’re married that you do not already own

6 – 9 months in advance

-Begin seriously looking for your gown or suite (and accessories and veil). Take into consideration that you want to be as comfortable as possible. If your IC is bothered by tight, restrictive clothing you may want to stay away from dresses with things like corseting and boning (likewise opt for knee high or thigh high stocking/nylons to avoid tight waist bands). Look for dress styles that are not overly heavy or confining. Remember to plan your shoes too – you may want to opt for a style with a flat or nearly flat heel – or if your dress (and train, if applicable) reach the floor you might want to wear plain white sneakers or deck shoes (which can be easily embellished to match your dress), as no one will see them under your dress. Comfortable shoes are vital for any bride, but even more important for you, because you do not want to have any undo physical pain to contend with on your wedding day

-Purchase your dress/suite as well as your fiancée’s outfit and either purchase or arrange for your wedding party’s clothing at this time too. If needed take your wedding dress to a tailor or seamstress for any alterations (this can be done later on, but the sooner you’re 100% comfortable with your dress the better)

-Finalize your menu and wedding cake plans and hire your caterers/chef/baker. Explain that you have special dietary needs (but you do not have to elaborate here more than you want to, remember it’s your wedding day and they are working for you) and ask to see the exact recipes for all of your dishes (and cake) before hand so that you can assure they only contain ingredients that you can comfortably eat. Or alternatively, if you’re having a small group of guest you may wish to book a restaurant where you know you will have IC friendly choices and have your wedding dinner there instead of having an entire ceremony

-Start arranging for your transportation to and from the ceremony and reception, if applicable. Again, if traveling is hard on your bladder you may want to opt for a limousine or car service over a horse drawn carriage (which is much bumpier). If you know that certain routes to your destinations are easier on your bladder inform your driver(s) well in advance that you need them to take those routes

-Begin planning your honeymoon. If you think that the wedding will take a lot out of you physically, you might want to allot 2 to 7 days (or more) between the day of your wedding and the day that you will be traveling. This will help give your body and bladder some time to rebound from all of the stress and excitement of the wedding day. Look for locations that will be on the IC friendly side such as tropical resorts, mountain chateaus or a destination where you can book a comfortable hotel. Once your flights and destination are booked make arrangements for your transportation (such a rental car) once you arrive

-If required, apply for any applicable liquor licenses for the alcohol that you wish to serve to your guests at the reception. An easy alternative to wine or Champaign for yourself is to drink (still, not sparkling) pear or blueberry (which looks somewhat like a dark red wine) juice, so long as you know of a variety that does not upset your bladder

-Begin delegating any jobs/responsibilities to your wedding part, family and friends that will help to take some of the weight of planning for the wedding off of your shoulders. Ask people to report back to you after they’ve accomplished any tasks

-Give the DJ or band the list of songs that you’d like them to play during your wedding (including your first dance song), and (if you want) inform them that you do not want to be called up for dances, but instead will dance at your own leisure (thusly helping to avoid any undo physical activity during the reception)

-If applicable, arrange the time off that you will need from your job now. The sooner you’ve gotten that taken care of and off your mind, the better (make sure your spouse-to-be does the same thing)

-Finalize your floral needs with your florist and begin looking into decorations for the ceremony and reception (renting/buying/borrowing). If you’re using a wedding planner they will be a huge help to you and can often recommend services and shops that they’ve had prior success with

6 – 3 months in advance

-Check to make sure that you have any applicable documents that you need to travel, and that these items have not expired (passports, visas); renew or get any documents that you need well in advance. Also check to see if you need any inoculations before you can enter the country of your honeymoon destination. If so book a doctor’s appointment to get that taken care of well in advance

-Arrange for any children (or pets) who will not be accompanying you on your honeymoon to be looked after while you are away. You may also wish to consider having a house watcher (sitter) look after your home/pets while you are away

-Book your photographer/videographer and discuss what kind of shots you’d like with them in advance. Now is the time to let them know if you’d prefer to be sitting/standing (whatever is most comfortable for you) for the majority of your pictures

-Finalize any details pertaining to wedding wear, food, flowers, music, transportation, gifts and your honeymoon. As well ask your mother and mother-in-law to select their dresses, and have the dads dressed in suites that compliment those of the groom’s attire and your wedding colours (and/or theme)

-Send out wedding invitations (with RSVPs and maps to your locations). Many countries including Canada and America now have postal services that allow you to select and image that will be used a stamp; consider doing this for your wedding invites with a picture of the happy couple or something that relates to your wedding

-If you’ve not already planned it out, decide where you will both live after the wedding (whose home, or will you move into a new location together). If applicable begin planning for any moves involved, but schedule them either well before the wedding day, or after the honeymoon so as to not overlap right near the wedding

-If not covered by your caterer or reception facility, book things like linens, dishes, stemware, tables, chairs and tents or canopies. Make delivery arrangements for your wedding day

3 – 1 months in advance

-Call honeymoon destinations and make sure that your reservations are in place or ask your travel agent to do this, if you are using one

-A few weeks before the wedding begin breaking in your wedding (and honeymoon shoes, if your buying new ones to take along) by wearing them for 15 minutes a day in the house

-Plan (if not already outlined in your wedding invitations) to keep the reception ceremony to a certain time limit. This way you do not have to worry about the idea of pulling an all nighter on your wedding day

-Buy gifts for bridal party, your parents and in-laws and your fiancée

-Plan (and buy, if not making yourselves) your wedding favours and the bags/sachets that will hold them. You may want to decide on something that is IC friendly such as vanilla short bread cookies or confetti almonds. Alternatively go with an item that is not edible such as small heart shaped candles or a framed photo you and your fiancée together

-As a couple select your wedding rings. Have any adjustments and/or engraving done in advance of the wedding day

-Purchase any lingerie that you wish to wear on your wedding night or take on your honeymoon. Look for pieces that are not restrictive or tight on your lower abdomen and bladder area. If you have vulvodynia or sensitive skin, look for lingerie in natural materials which may be less likely to irritate delicate skin. Now is also the time pick up a wedding garter, if you like, to wear under your dress

-Book appointments with a hair dresser and make-up artist to discuss what you want for your wedding. Once you’ve found the people who are right for you book your appointments for the morning of the weddings or arrange to have them come to your location (this might be the most IC friendly option, as it means less time traveling on your wedding day)

-If you’ve not already done it, select and book your clergy person or officiant. Inform this person if you’ll be writing your own vows and make sure that they know when and where the wedding and wedding rehearsal are to be held

-Have programs printed up for the wedding, if applicable. As well now is a good time to buy a wedding guest book and assign someone to stay near the book to mingle with the guest as they sign (this is a good job for older children and teens who want to be involved in the wedding)

-Plan and book accommodations for out of town guests. If your reception is being held a hotel or resort, see if they offer any sort of wedding package deal which would give your guests a reduced room rate

-Once you’ve gotten back your RSVPs inform your cater/chef/restaurant of the exact number of meals you’ll need (this applies if you’re not having a buffet or eating at a place where each guest orders there own mean on the spot). If needed also inform your venue of your total headcount (very important if they’ll be setting up seating an tables)

-Arrange your wedding announcement with the newspaper and have wedding announcement cards drawn up to inform people who did not attend your wedding of your marriage. These will be sent out either right before or right after your wedding day. If your (or your spouse’s) address will be changing you can include that information here or send out change of address cards separately

-Finalize wedding decorations and make up place cards and seating arrangements for your guests

-Get your marriage license (remember that if you are getting married out of country, each country has their own laws pertaining to the issuance of marriage licenses and it is best to look into this several months in advance of the wedding)

-Book an appointment with your doctor(s). Get any needed paperwork so that you can travel with your medications (most countries require a list of all medications that you’ll be traveling with that has been signed by your doctor, as well as copies of your prescriptions written out and signed by your doctor). When traveling keep all of your medical records and documents, as well as the meds themselves in your carry-on or handbag, and keep medications (and supplements) in their original containers. Now is also the time to discuss any concerns that you may have with your doctor in regards to your health and your wedding day and the honeymoon. If you’re prone to UTIs when you travel, ask for a prescription for antibiotics ahead of time to take with you

-Book travel insurance, and make sure that you get a plan which will adequately cover your medical needs. Make a photocopy of these documents and give them to someone who you trust while you are away. In case your luggage goes missing they can fax the copy to you. This same tactic can be applied to other important documents and travelers cheque receipts too

1 month to 1 week in advance

-Pick up wedding rings from the jewelers; make sure that all alterations to your wedding dress as taken care of and that you have begun breaking in your wedding shoes

-Instead of a bachelorette or bachelor party the night before the wedding plan a fun event or get together for all of the bridal party. The last thing you want is to have partied the night away when you need all your energy for your wedding day. This is a good event for your bride’s maid and best man to plan for you

-Pack for your honeymoon (as much as possible). Remember to take things like travelers cheques, clothing, contraceptives (including lots of lubricant!), toiletries, Prelief, heating pad or one time use patches, a reusable ice pack, all of your medications and medical travel documents, some non-perishable IC friendly snacks, comfortable clothing that is not tight or uncomfortable on your bladder, cotton underwear, a perennial wash bottle (to help reduce urine burn and help delicate skin), pocket Kleenexes and a rolls of toilet paper in plastic zip-up bags, sunscreen and bug spray (if applicable), comfortable shoes, towels, any bedding or seat cushions that you require, a list of emergency contact numbers and all of your travel documents and tickets

-If you wear a medical alert bracelet, make sure that all of the information in your file is up to date before you leave on your honeymoon

-Write any cheques that you’ll need on your wedding day and have them ready to hand out

-Try to have as many details and arrangements entirely finalized a week before hand, if possible

-Look into what will be required for any legal or business aspects of your upcoming union, such as changing your name. Begin filling out paperwork for these changes

-Confirm the accommodations arrangements for your out of town guests

-If you’ve not already done so, make arrangement for your own accommodations on your wedding night if you’re not leaving for the honeymoon after the wedding

-If you’ll be moving after the wedding, arrange to have your address changed with the post office or redirect your mail to your new house after the wedding

-Write thank-you notes for all the people involved in your wedding party and other special people who are important to your big day. Now is also a great time to write a personalized card to give your spouse

7-1 days in advance

-Confirm your flights and hotel reservations (or have this done by your travel agent)

-Pick up clothes for the wedding party, groom/bride and yourself If not already done

-Have a manicure and pedicure in colours that will compliment your wedding dress (this is a good thing to make a day out of with your bridal party and female relatives)

-If not already taken care of, pick up your wedding license and if required deliver it in advance to the person who will perform your wedding ceremony

-Plan any finale seating arrangements for your guests and wedding party

-Make sure that all the services that you’ve hired for the wedding know exactly when and where they are to go (if you’re using one, this is something that your wedding planner will likely attend to)

-Assemble wedding favours and wrap any gifts

-Buy thank-you cards and postal stamps to send out after your wedding to thank people for their gifts

-Have your wedding rehearsal. If possible try to space out several days between it and the actual wedding. This will help to ensure that you are not exhausted on the day of your wedding. The rehearsal is the perfect time to see if you’ve forgotten anything or need to make any changes that will help your wedding be IC friendlier

-In the days leading up to your wedding try as hard as possible to adhere to your IC dietary needs. Drink plenty of IC friendly fluids so as not avoid becoming slightly dehydrated (which will upset your bladder) and try to get as much sleep as possible. Try to do relaxing activities and stick to only those types of exercise that you know your bladder is good with (and make sure to take all doses of your medications). See your doctor immediately if you begin to feel like you might be coming down with a UTI or bad IC flare

-If you’ll be changing out of your wedding dress before you leave the reception (to go to your home/hotel for the night or to leave for your honeymoon) pick out the outfit you’ll be wearing. Choice comfortable clothes that are in keeping with the style of your wedding

-Write toasts or check to see if members of the wedding part have planned their toasts/speeches

The day before your wedding

-If needed, pack up enough of your medications and pain meds (and Prelief) to get you through the day into a tiny, pretty purse that will go with your dress. Or alternatively have someone such as your mother or maid of honour hold onto these things for you tomorrow

-Rest! Though your nerves will undoubtedly be working overtime, try to take it as easy as possible and avoid doing anything that might cause your IC symptoms to flare

-Give your wedding party their gifts (it’s up to you if you want to give your fiancée their gift before or after the wedding)

-If anything for your wedding (flowers, lines, etc) are not being delivered, pick these things up either yourself or have someone do this for you. Make sure you have the arrangements in place to get these items where they need to be tomorrow

On your wedding day

-Sleep in as late as possible, but allow for enough time to accomplish everything that you need to do before hand

-Have your bridesmaids and maid of honour as well as your mom and sisters all gather at the same place to get ready. Have your hair and make-up done

-Remember to eat light IC friendly meals, drink enough of water, and make time for plenty of rest stops while getting ready

-Sit or even lay down whenever possible so that you try and conserve your energy for the rest of the day. You may be running purely on adrenalin and nerves right now, but later in the day your energy levels might take a dive bomb, so it’s wise to try and conserve whatever energy you can

-Get into your gown (remember your purse), make sure you know who has the rings and marriage license (and certificate, if you are responsible for providing it), double check that everything is ready for after the reception is over (suitcases, travel documents, etc) and proceed to your ceremony

-Have a truly amazing wedding!

These tips are here to help you plan your wedding, and to make your day go smoother. Each one of us is different and no two weddings are the same, for some people the day of their wedding may be akin to a tough day at work, while for others it might be utterly physically taxing and very hard on your bladder. Though out the big day do not hesitate to rest whenever you need to, to ask for assistance and to let your spouse and wedding party know if you start to feel unwell. This is your day, providence willing you’ll only have one wedding and it needn’t be spoiled by IC. Instead asses your health needs and plan your wedding accordingly. Come the special day you’ll find that doing so will be the best wedding gift you could give yourself.

Remember in the weeks leading up to your wedding that it’s wise to discuss any trepidations that you might have with your future spouse, including any that pertain to your health. Whether or not you’ll be spending your wedding night together for the first time you may have concerns about the sexual aspect of things (you might feel pressured to have sex simply because it seems so customary on your wedding night). It’s vital that you discuss these worries and thoughts with your spouse, explain (if needed) that you may not be up to making love after the long day you will have just had and that you need to know that you can count on their love and understanding in this matter, because it’s no fair to you if your wedding day is spent dreading your wedding night. Likewise discuss any concerns you have regarding your health and your honeymoon.

From the moment you become engaged right through to your honeymoon this is a time unlike any other. It’s a brief period when you get to call yourself a fiancée and enjoy all that goes into preparing for your wedding. Your world is changing in exciting and happy ways and you’ll now have someone by your side all the time to share in all of life’s ups and downs with you. Honour yourself and your partner as you embark on your new life together, and have a truly wonderful wedding day.

Wedding photograph by Cleiton Isoton